Just an update

So many of you have sent emails asking how I am doing and offering prayers for me and it means so much to me even if I don't get everyone answered. I thought I would give you an update..well at least as much of an update as I can since I still don't know what the hell is going on!! LOL!

I saw the neurosurgeon on the 15th. I have known this man for almost 20 years since working with him in the OR and again as my surgeon when he did the fusion in my neck, and I think the world of him. Apparently, others also have the same opinion since he is rated one of the top neurosurgeons in the country...lucky me! Anyway, he had told me after doing my neck, that he really did not want to do anything to my lower back since it was in such bad shape. My spine has been deteriorating since I was in my 20's , maybe even before but that was when we discovered it after herniating a disc lifting a patient. What I needed then was a fusion in the lumbar area but there were no good vertebrae to fuse to and if he did do a fusion, it would severely jeopardize the thoracic area which was not much better. Fast forward to now, the pain and the numbness in my legs has gotten to the point that something HAS to be done before I lose the feeling in my left leg. Now, since I have this stimulator thingy in me, I cannot have an MRI and the cat scan does not show a clear enough picture for him to decide what he can risk doing so I have to have a myelogram which I am now waiting for my insurance company to approve. DH went with me for the appointment and to say that he was floored when he was going over the films was an understatement. When a lay person can see a film and see that it isn't normal......! Even I was really prepared for how bad it would look...the stenosis in some areas is really severe where it is really impeaching the spinal cord, almost every disc is in some degree of herniation due to the deterioration of my spine and the scoliosis, and probably 80% of the vertebrae have bone spurs, some of which are larger than the vertebrae themselves. To say that it was depressing looking at that mess, minimizes how I felt. I left the office in tears. (It did get me a nice breakfast though since DH felt bad!) He really doesn't know yet what he can do, have to wait until after the myelogram for that but it will mean surgery of some sort.

So, I go from having my own little pity party to a false happy face to trying to get things done that I know I won't be able to do after...the holidays are coming up, who's going to cook dinner and get everything done....I mean really!!! Can we say neurotic!!! LOL! DH has been wonderful even if he doesn't quite know what to say but he just keeps saying that it will all work out...has even sworn that he will fore go his hunting season this year! Awwwwww!

So, that is where I am at...still no real definitive answers, still in pain, still pissed off that this body is letting me down and still trying not to take the pain meds so I can stay awake if I sit down! Most of the time, I do pretty well and can put it on the back burner but there are times that it gets to me and I am a dripping puddle of tears. Not so much because this is such a terrible dreadful disease..believe me I know that there could be worse things, but because it prevents me from doing the things that I enjoy. DH surprised me with tickets to the Paul McCartney concert in Boston and it was so hard to get excited about going since I knew that I was going to be limited on getting around and that it would take me days to recover even from the drive to Boston. We did go and the concert was just absolutely awesome but I just felt bad for DH! THAT is what gets me down....Damn it! This is the time that the two of us should be off doing things we enjoy!

Okay, enough of my pity party! Really, I am okay just sometimes need to vent about it. Like I said...things could be much worse.

On an up side! DS has a girlfriend! And, WE (meaning DH and I) like her ALOT! I am just so thrilled for him. It seems like for the past couple of years his luck has been terrible and he has really had no fun! He is walking around grinning from ear to ear and I could not be happier for him and the fact that we also like her, is such a big plus! DD has started her Master's courses after getting accepted into the school she wanted so at least for the younger generation in our home, things are good!

So, there you have it. So many of you have asked when I will be doing memberships again and I really do not know what to tell you. I do not want to open them up and then not be able to fulfill my commitments to you. Right now, even when I try to sit and design, either the pain gets to me or I find myself nodding off at the computer! LOL! My snoring wakes me up so I just shut it down and go lay down before I fall out of my chair! These Golden Years ain't what MaMa promised!!!

Hugs to you all! Thank you all for the prayers and messages. You, my very special cyber-friends, really bring sunshine into my life!!

Remember me????

Thank you all for being so patient. Things have not gotten much better around here although we (MDs and I) have gotten one of the problems worked out. The new medication that they started me on for the fibro (which by the way REALLY worked on the fibro pain) caused a lot of side effects for me, hot flashes, hyperhydrosis (excessive sweating ...and I do mean excessive!), night sweats, insomnia, fatigue, nausea and vomiting, depression and I had them all! Kind of rare but after stopping the medication about a month ago, I am starting to feel some better as far as that is concerned. As far as the pain, the CAT scan showed major changes from the last MRI I had and none of it for the good. A couple of new herniations, the old herniations have gotten much worse and the spinal stenosis is at the point of causing much more pain and numbness in both my legs and, get this....the hiccups! The pain responds to nothing and it seems that everything aggravates it. I am scheduled to see the neurosurgeon on the 1st but he is the same guy that told me that until we were at the last resort, he would not operate on my lower back since there was so much deterioration that there was really nothing he could do and that was 6 years ago. So, I am not real hopeful of a good outcome no matter what is done.

Trying to keep a positive outlook but it gets harder everyday when there are things that I need or want to do and this old body will not cooperate! And, to top it off the rotator cuff in my left arm is now joining the other side of those things that need repair. I swore after I had the rotator cuff in my right arm done that I would never go through that again but....

So, that is where I am right now...not a real good place and not knowing what the future is going to bring. I don't know when I will be back to business or even back to normal!?!?!

I do have the last of the kits for you....6 of them. So get your download finger ready! I am sorry that it has taken so long to get this finished up and you will never know how grateful I am for your patience and support. You could have been demanding and nasty and, rightfully so, but you were not, and I am soooooo appreciative!!!

To finish up the MAY kits...

Gingham Giggles (not all elements are previewed)

Members download...HERE

(Remember...use your April/May/June password)

And, the Sampler...

Sampler download is...HERE

And, Hot Summer Sizzle (not all elements are previewed) Members download...HERE

(Remember...use your April/May/June password)

And the Sampler...

Sampler download is...HERE

Now, for the June kits!

Naturally (not all elements are previewed)

Members download...HERE

(Remember to use your April/May/June password)

And, the Sampler...

Sampler download is...HERE

Don't Worry...Bee Happy (not all elements are previewed)

Members download...HERE

(Remember to use your April/May/June password)

And, the Sampler...

Sampler download...HERE

Lazy Daizy Dayz (not all elements are previewed) This was an older kit that for some reason I had never finished! Members download...HERE

(Remember to use your April/May/June password)

And, the Sampler... Sampler download...HERE

And, finally Lilacs and Lace ( not all elements are previewed)

Members download...HERE

(Remember to use your April/May/June password)

And, the Sampler... Sampler download...HERE

So, there you go! I hope later is better thannever! LOL! I still have emails to go through but that will have to wait until later or tomorrow! Geez....I used to be a pro at sitting on my A_S!! I will keep you informed as time goes by and as pain allows but I feel so much better now that I have gotten these out to all of you! I may be gone for awhile but please do not forget me. I still have bits and pieces that I may post from time to time so ...

I have not forgotten about you!!

Really, I haven't!! Everyday I think things will be better but physically...I am just falling apart. The pain and fatigue have really taken over and most days it is a struggle just to do the basics. I have been bounced from one doctor to another and have been scanned and poked and still no answers as to why I feel like crap. After living with chronic pain for so long, the pain I could deal with but this fatigue is really starting to get me down. Finally got someone to listen to me about checking hormones both female and thyroid and will get the results back in a few days. Hopefully, they will show something but in the meantime I have about as much energy as a limp dishrag.

I do have a couple of kits for you for MAY and hopefully will get some more finished up soon. Since you have all been so patient, I want to at least give you 4 per month so after today that will be 6 more kits and then that will finish up June. Then, I think I will be taking a break from memberships for a bit until I start to feel better. I will continue to put some more in my shoppe since that is a bit easier than creating from new. So within the next few days I will be taking down the links for memberships. I just can't find it in me to spend much time on the computer and until I do, creating is the last thing I want to do! I will keep you updated!

Here are the 2 kits! Remember....MAY passwords!!!

Spring Meadow....

Members can download...HERE (using MAY password)

And, the sampler...

Sampler download is...HERE

And, I Red it in Black and White...

Members can download...HERE (using MAY password)

And, the sampler...

Sampler download is...HERE

For nasty people only!

Yesterday, I added the button for the 3 month membership that would cover April/May/June so anyone that wishes to get those kits may now join. I also added some of the kits that have been requested to the shoppe...Nautica, Sweet Baby Rosebud, Celebrate Life, E-I-E-I-OH and hopefully will get to more this week.

I again apologize for the confusion of late as I think I have done at least a dozen times before and I feel MOST of you have been very understanding and patient.

For those of you that purchased a 3 month membership in the past week, you clicked on a button under a picture that clearly read Jan/Feb/March, when you got to PayPal it read Jan/Feb/March and the receipt you received from PayPal clearly reads Jan/Feb/March and so since I get the same notification that you do, that is the password I sent. Some of you have NICELY asked about it and then there are others that have ripped me apart about it. For those of you that asked like ladies about it, I will get the password for April/May/June to you today.

To answer one person...yes, I do understand that "$6.00 is an amount that some people do not have to throw away". That is why I offer the memberships where you generally pay .50 to .80 per kit. I challenge you to tell me another site that sells you kits for that price except for another blog membership site.

No, I am not a "thief or a scam artist". I am just one person that through no control of my own has only two hands and does the best that I can with what I have. Do I make mistakes? Of course I do and I will be the first to admit it. But, I do not feel that I deserve to be called names because of your inability to read.

I should be "turned over to the authorities"? Be my guest if that is what you feel that you should do. Since I sent the password for what you purchased, I do not think I have committed any crime.

I thought I had been very up front with everyone but of course, that assumed that people actually read what I have written. Apparently, it is ALL my fault that some do not have the time or the intelligence to read and just come and grab and expect me to be able to read their minds.

Please do not respond to this. I know most of you understand and feel "how can people be this way". I am NOT looking for sympathy for this or even understanding. So don't leave me comments about it or emails. I am just venting and, yes, am wondering why I continue doing this. Between having to deal with not being able to sit here for that long and all the computer problems lately and feeling so much under the gun to get caught up so that I DON'T cheat anyone out of what they paid for, it is very disheartening to get called such vile names! For those that feel that I am a cheat, be my guest...go elsewhere and get your kits!

Just a bad day here in Janni-land! For the most part I think I am generally nice and overlook quite a bit and try to go the extra step to help people but sometimes it just becomes too much. A keyboard can be a powerful tool. It provides you anonymity and may let you be someone that you would not be in person but please remember that there is a live, breathing, feeling person on the other end of that email you send so thoughtlessly. It amazes me that there is time to write emails like these but somehow there is no time to leave comments about kits.

Finally...April kits!!

Going to take advantage of my computer cooperating for a bit and hopefully get all the April kits out to you! What's the saying??? I am so far behind I thought I was first????

Thank you all for the thoughts for my aunt. It was a whirlwind trip and not an enjoyable one as far as 'traveling' but it was wonderful seeing relatives that I hadn't seen in 20 years!!

Here we go....

Contempo....slightly more modern that I usually do but I think would be nice for your guys!!

Members can download.... HERE (use the April to June password)

And, the Sampler...

Sampler download is...HERE

Next, For the Love of Ivy...

Members can download...HERE (use April to June password)

And, the sampler...

Sampler download is...HERE

Next, Popsicle Celebration...


Members can download....HERE (use April to June password)

And, the sampler....

Sampler download is...HERE

Last, but not least...Cool Little Dude to go with the Scrap Album. This kit does not have a sampler since I gave out the scrap album as a freebie for a limited time.

Members can download...HERE (use April to June password)

Okay...so that finishes up April...hopefully I will get May out before June ends!!!

Please read....

Major computer problems so I apologize for the delay in answering your emails and getting your passwords to you. I have spent most of the time trying to save what I can to my EHD and hopefully soon I will get this poor baby reformatted and see if that solves my problems. Also, I am leaving this morning for Kansas to bury my aunt so I will be gone until Tuesday. I am so sorry for all the problems this year but I do have all the kits for April uploaded for you and as soon as I can access a computer that lets me do something I will get them posted and get your passwords out to those of you that have joined or have lost your passwords. Thank you all sooooooo much for your continued patience. You have really gone above and beyond in your understanding. Better days are coming....right??? Can I hear an AMEN???? Love you all!

Catching up....

Today I am posting several kits that will finish up the kits that should have been given out in March. That means you will need to use your March password to access these files. This also means that these will be the last kits you receive if you are a 3 month membership holder. I will be opening up memberships for April/May/June so that those of you who wish can re-subscribe and get the kits for those months. I know that this is all so confusing but I really wanted to make sure that everyone got the number of kits that they were entitled to.

Things are going pretty well...still plenty of computer problems and I am wondering if those will ever be cleared up or I will forever find things that are "missing". Pandora recovered many files but unfortunately so many were corrupted beyond redemption that I lost so much. Ah, well, such is life in techno world!!

So here we go...get your download fingers ready!!!

First we have Eyelet and Denim....

Members can download...HERE and remember to use your MARCH password

And, the sampler is the quickpage from this kit

Sampler download is...HERE

Next, we have Rhododendron Garden. Someone had asked for a kit with Rhododendrons (I am sorry that I have forgotten who....) and I thinks this turned out pretty.

Members can download...HERE and remember to use you MARCH password

And, the sampler....

Sampler download is....HERE

Next I have something a little different. It is a 9 page album from a kit that will be released as an April Kit called Cool Little Dude. It will also be available for non-members but for only 1 week. It is my way of thanking you for your continued support and patience during all this mess.

MEMBERS: download....HERE and remember to use your MARCH password

NON-MEMBERS: download HERE until 6/3/09 after which if will be available to MEMBERS ONLY

So, there ya go! April Kits are just about finished and will be posted in the next couple of days and then there is just May and then we will be caught up, I hope!!!!